This morning, my devotional said, "The best way to handle unwanted situations is to thank Me for them. This act of faith frees you from resentment and frees Me to work My ways into the situation, so that good emerges from it."
I have always found this to be true, though of course sometimes it is easier to do than others, but the timing of hearing it again is perfect because we had an "unwanted situation" on Monday. We had toured the famous Galleria Borghese, an amazing art museum in the middle of the Villa Borghese Gardens (Rome's version of Central Park) and after two hours of looking at art, Ben and Chris needed to burn off some energy. A game of frisbee football resulted somehow in Chris' feelings getting hurt and he separated himself a bit from us to regroup. We were all starving so as we started to head out of the park to find a restaurant, Chris followed us at a distance. For awhile all was fine ~ we caught glimpses of him behind us, darting behind trees or bushes when we turned around, but as we passed through a very crowded part of the park, unbeknownst to us, he took a right turn when we took a left turn and we lost him.....I'm not talking about the "lost sight of him" kind of thing that has happened in department stores when he was little....we all out LOST him. I knew right away we had ~ Jeff had walked ahead a bit...maybe tiring of Chris' game, maybe just too hungry....as my eyes darted here and there, scanning the hundreds, maybe even thousands of people picnicing and playing in this particular area of the park on this Italian holiday of Easter Monday, I sent Ben to go get him ~ I needed his eyes! I went back and walked through the area where I thought I had last seen him, but realized I most likely had seen some other child playing there. I met up with Jeff and we doubled back to the statue where we had last seen Chris for sure and just looked at each other trying to decide what to do. I have a picture seared into my brain of Jeff standing up on the statue, booming out Chris' name with the bright yellow backpack, that the boys and I made fun of when he bought it in Milan, held high in the air, hoping to catch our little man's eye. My love for Jeff flooded me in that moment ~ he is such a good man and father. When this didn't work, we split up ~ me and Ben combing one area and Jeff combing another. I kept thinking, "He must be SO scared right now!" I felt panic starting to bubble up, but so did Ben which helped me direct mine where it needed to go ~ to God. Most of you know that this is not the first time that Chris has given us a scare, and any of you that were there for it probably remember that Ben is sensitive and wears his emotions on his sleeve ~ you always know what he is feeling, because the words flow out like water, especially when he is stressed. (I actually consider this a good thing ~ I love that I always know what he is thinking ~ Chris is much more of a mystery to me.) As Ben was voicing all the possible things that could be happening to Chris (the phrase "and we will find his body in the Tiber" comes to mind) I shushed him and kept repeating, more to myself than to him, "God knows EXACTLY where Chris is, He will lead us to him." I was also mumbling other prayers of protection as Ben and I headed back to the statue to meet up with Jeff again as we had planned. What seemed like forever later, as Ben and I stood on the statue now looking for Jeff, as we were sending up another prayer, my phone rang. Not the guitar-strumming ringtone that means Jeff, the ringtone that means anyone else and we froze. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and fumbled to answer it and YES, it was Chris!!! He was about a mile away from us, using the phone of a kind Italian couple. We set a meeting point and I hurriedly called Jeff ~ we met up and I took our bags/coats as Jeff and Ben sprinted off to the meeting point. I was glad for the extra time to get my feelings under control....I think all parents know that alternating feeling of relief and anger that comes after something like this. It also gave me some time to express my thanks to God. I did not cry until I saw him, as I squeezed him tight ~ no anger was left in me by the time I reached him ~ that struck me later. It was a moment of pure joy as we thanked and thanked "Salvatore and Mary" as best we could despite the language barrier. We had some time as we sat down to a lunch none of us were really hungry for anymore to debrief. Ironically, Chris had never really been all that scared. At some point, he said, he realized he was lost and needed to try to call us. He started asking people around him if they spoke English and after several "No's", he found Salvatore and Mary, who spoke little English but recognized he was lost and helped him figure out how to call me. They were so kind and kept him talking until Jeff and Ben arrived. I think my Dad said it best as Chris was telling him about it on Skype last night when he said, "Sounds more like your parents were lost than you, Chris." He said if he hadn't found someone to help him call he would have just headed back to the apartment......I have to laugh as I think of the walk this 8 year old is talking about ~ back out of the park, back through a very busy square, across a huge intersection and through a neighborhood....funny thing is, I think he could have done it! Another thing I am GRATEFUL for ~ these capable boys our travel experiences are developing.
Well, I could go on and on ~ I hope I have not sounded too dramatic for the situation. I don't think I have ever been more scared in my life. Later in the day, I did struggle with more difficult feelings. I felt myself hating the vulnerability I felt....the vulnerability that is inevitable when you are a parent...the horrors of the "what ifs"....I felt myself putting up walls around my heart....my natural instinct....my defense mechanism that God knows so well....but that is not how He calls me to love others, especially my children. He calls me to love others "as He has loved me". Yikes ~ that puts a whole new spin on things....that means without condition, without selfishness, without protection, whole-heartedly despite the pain that can cause.....and yes, I am GRATEFUL for this reminder....of how He loves me and how I am to try to love others. I am GRATEFUL that he is working the events in my life to make me more like His son. And most of all, I am GRATEFUL that our "Critter" is safe.
I think God knew I needed a little something more to come to terms with all of it yesterday, as I continued to struggle off and on with some of these feelings. As we were walking home last night, we passed a church we had passed many times that we realized we hadn't gone into yet. As we walked in the door, we realized some type of service was going on. There were 2 women kneeling in front of the altar, about 10 people in the pews, a man playing guitar and singing with a woman, both with beautiful voices. A woman walked up to the four of us and motioned for me and Chris to come with her. She handed each of us a lit votive candle and led us to the front of the church, where they prayed for me and Chris by name (they called me "Peggy", which I really didn't mind seeing as I have a "Peggy" in my life I am crazy about) as we kneeled with the women and placed our candles with a group of other candles gathered on the floor in front. I just let the music wash over me, literally feeling their prayers and I felt new. I felt cleansed of all the negative feelings and just felt GRATEFUL for this little gift He knew I needed ~ because that is how He is. :) GRATEFUL for this whole situation...for this reminder that God IS in control.
I felt a little creepy taking a picture of the chapel/prayer service, but I wanted to remember this gift more fully.
Thanks for listening/reading!
Love you all!
Beautiful! I've tears in my eyes!
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